An earlier article summarized a discussion of Joel Woodruff, President of the C.S. Lewis Institute with Stuart and Cameron McAlister, a father and son team concerned with passing the Christian faith to new generations. They dealt with the basics of raising children in the Christian faith, and especially why this is important in a world which has become to a considerable extent hostile to Christian faith. Further discussion concerned how parents should deal the problems in conveying the Christian faith to their children.
Dealing with Problems in Christian Life
Woodruff asked the McAlisters how a parent admits faults. Stuart McAlister said that dealing with anger toward his family was a problem for him, because of the violence and vulgarity in his life before coming to Christ. The policy he and his wife set for their family was that each member of the family could speak into another’s life “but with respect.” For Stuart, this could take the form of putting a note under the child’s pillow. The important thing is good communication, which is open to “forgiveness or repentence” where this is necessary. Cameron pointed out that the practices of his father’s family and his family are not “guaranteed strategies” that will keep a child in the Christian faith. He observed that there are exceptionally good dog trainers and horse trainers, but there are no people trainers, because each person has his or her own thoughts and will. People will always “exceed your ability to fully understand them.” Only Christ “knows you inside and out.” While this realization may be “terrifying,” it is also “liberating.” It is liberating for parents because it releaves the guilt of parents. Parents have the duty of being “faithful messengers” of the gospel, but they are not responsible for the decisions of their children.
Stuart McAlister said that an important part of their family life was humor. There was much joking and “looking at funny things.” Cameron added that “we’re in a cultural moment that takes itself entirely too seriously.” Laughing at one’s self is a recognition of one’s weaknesses, and God can work through our weaknesses. Woodruff observed that the McAlisters raised their families on a “long leash,” with firm guidance, but freedom for children to lead their own lives.
Woodruff asked the McAlisters how they addressed situations where Christians behave badly, perhaps where a prominent Christian is involved in a scandalous situation. How should parents talk to their children about these situations?
Stuart McAlister said that handling “disappointing” behavior and inconsistency is part of life. In some cases, disappointment may be a result of an unrealistic standard of perfection, or a pretense of having more to offer than one has. But he observed that the Bible relates stories of people having to live with dishonor and betrayal. He noted that people have even come to faith under torture. The fact that there are hypocrites is not an excuse not to lead a Christian life oneself.
A questioner asked what steps a parent should take to be more effective when he or she has has been on “autopilot” as far as religious education is concerned. Stuart McAlister responded that they could begin by reading the Bible with their child, perhaps proceeding topically. Additionally, they could read age-appropriate Christian literature, such as the Chronicles of Narnia. Parents should encourage and be alert to questions or comments. The heart as well as the mind should be involved. Cameron McAlister said that parents could try to ascertain a child’s regard for the Christian faith. If the parent has been on “autopilot,” he or she might even ask their child “what do you think of Christianity.”
Knowing That a Child Is in the Faith
Another questioner asked how much a parent should focus on conversion as distinct from discipleship in a child’s life. Stuart McAlister said that parents should not press a child on the issue of conversion, In the Bible reading and religious instruction that occurs, it will be clear that “God is there, that sin is real, [and] that they have a heart that needs change.” Beyond that, the love and prayer of the parent is important. A parent may be able to see “divine moments” when conversion can be discussed. It is important for children to understand that true conversion is shown in a lifetime commitment to Christ as master. The parent serves as the principal model of what a Christian life should be.
Another question concerned a child dealing with doubt. How should a parent handle this? Stuart Cameron remarked that the parent needs to ascertain what kind of doubt the child is experiencing. If it is intellectual doubt, the child needs reasons and facts that point to the truth of the Christian faith. Sometimes expressions of doubt can be simple curiosity. If doubt is emotionally based, the child needs to understand how the Christian life is experienced. With a spiritual problem, “story telling and by prayer” is a means of “inviting them into” a normal Christian life. Parents should not panic. They should regard a faith crisis in their child as part of life. Cameron McAlister said that children should be asked about the assumptions behind their doubt. Skeptics tend to put Christians in “the hot seat,’ having to justify their beliefs, but are unwilling to discuss their own assumptions. As an example, he asked how a skeptic might justify the claim that there should be no pain and suffering in the world.
Special Situations
It was asked how one can train children in the Christian faith as a single parent. Woodruff remarked that his father had died when he was young and he was raised by a Christian mother. Stuart McAlister said that the church needs to be supportive of single mothers, particularly in providing emotional support, and perhaps at times assistance in doing things that a father would do. Single fathers also may need support from a Christian community. He said that Christians “often underestimate the overwhelming value of Christian homes, and just goodness, kindness, beauty, these basic things.”
Woodruff asked how a Christian parent with a non-Christian spouse should endevor to raise their child in the Christian faith. Cameron McAlister said that this is a “complex” problem. Much depends on “community,” he said. The parent in a marriage to an unbeliever needs support from the Christian community, not unlike a single parent. Stuart McAlister said that a parent in a non-Christian family who has recently become a Christian should be sensitive to the other family members, as they know that there has been a change in the converted parent. Yet the believing spouse must begin to lovingly tell their story. Prayer is important in this situation, “and God will be there.” However, bringing one’s spouse and/or family to Christ is not a mattter of “techniques;” one must depend on the Holy Spirit to act. He said that “love, truth, and your honest testimony, gently” is the best approach for a Christian married to an unbeliever.
The Importance of Prayer
Finally, Woodruff asked how parents should pray for their children, how prayer should be incorporated into family life, and why prayer is important in a Christian home. Cameron said that parents should pray with their children before they go to bed, and that children should see their parents praying. Children watch their parents “very closely, and often imitating [them], for better or for worse.” He said that “prayer is, of course, the most important power at our human disposal.” Human agencies (governments, scientists, legislature, lawyers, businessmen, etc.) are finally limited and fallible. Prayer makes us “vulnerable” and is “humbling.” A parent praying shows children that the parent is “a person under authority.” Prayer is vital to Christian life, and children should see that in their parents’ prayers. Stuart McAlister added that parents do not have to voice high theology in their prayers, but trust in God. He said that parents must “break the embarrassment and the sound barrier” and pray before and with their children.
No comments yet
Leave a Reply