Why I Left the Church at 15 & Why I Returned

I was raised in non-denominational churches and spent the majority of my schooling attending a private Christian school owned and operated by my church. Growing up I went to Sunday school, my mom was the praise and worship leader, my parents were youth pastors at one point, and my family founded Called to Dream, a non-profit organization that does mission work in impoverished countries. At school there was Bible class every day and chapel once a week. It is safe to say I was very involved in “doing” church.

That all changed at the age of fifteen. Like many of my peers, I became tired of feeling like my school and church community were forcing religion on me. At one point, my personal relationship with God felt like it didn’t matter because of all the legalistic junk that got in the way.

The turning point for me was spotting my Christian schoolteachers and administrators, who were also leaders in my church, not living out the God-fearing walk they affirmed. It stunted my faith to hear a Christian teacher lie about his students to protect his reputation in the eyes of the head administrator (the senior pastor’s wife). Watching another teacher – who was also a youth pastor – kick over a desk and storm out of the classroom because he was frustrated with students made me start questioning why being a disciple of Christ even mattered.

This all became too much for me to understand. I couldn’t grasp how the people who were leading the church could mistreat kids. So I began relating this to my own faith. The hurt interfered with my own relationship and understanding of God. So I left the church.

My parents were supportive of my decision, for which I am grateful. Mom and dad told me that I had reached the age of accountability and I needed to choose whether to attend Church or not. However, they consistently encouraged me to seek out a personal relationship with Christ and abide in Him.

The following year, I graduated high school early and left my school to attend junior college. For the first time, I developed normal teacher/student relationships. My professors didn’t have hidden agendas. They weren’t competing to work their way up the church’s bureaucratic ladder.

After a year and a half of junior college I transferred to Harding University, which is a devout Church of Christ school in Searcy, Arkansas. My close friends and family were surprised when I told them I wanted to attend a Christian university, considering my previous experience. For me the biggest draw to Harding was their political science program and its conservative ideology.

For someone who grew up non-denominational, Harding presented a lot of new practices and traditions. The university holds chapel five days a week and Bible class two to three days a week. At times, religion still frustrated me, but I also began to realize that was not my main concern anymore. My personal relationship with God had grown strong enough that I knew no teacher or church leader could ever undermine God and my relationship with Him.

During my second semester at Harding, I asked my uncle if he knew of any non-denominational churches I could attend to celebrate Easter. At that point I had learned that although leaders in my previous church were flawed, that did not reflect on the Church as a whole. There were healthy churches out there, and I wanted to be part of one. My friends had invited me to Church of Christ services but I wanted to be at a church that had the same worship style I had grown up with. Thankfully, my uncle told me about New Life Church in Conway, which is about an hour away from my school. God impressed upon me that that was where I needed to go. Throughout the whole service I sensed God in that building. His presence was palpable. This was something I’d gone years without feeling in my church and school. Ultimately, that service was why I returned to the Church.

During the following summer I decided to attend The Potter’s House in Dallas, Texas. Once again God spoke to me through the sermons of Bishop TD Jakes and other guest speakers. Congregants were happy and they were friendly to me. There was never anyone walking out of church looking miserable like I had witnessed years before.

Today, I still attend New Life Church in Arkansas, and occasionally listen to The Potter’s House via their live stream on Sunday mornings. My faith has grown and I’m so happy in my own relationship with God that what was meant to hurt me as a teenager has helped me grow into an adult. Even if I got it to do over again, I would never undo any of my past experiences. I learned real-life lessons of grace and forgiveness. But most importantly, I learned that I cannot rely on flawed people to satisfy my spiritual life. Only God can do that.