Oswald Chambers, Jesus, and My Pre-Marriage Jitters

Several nights ago I dreamt that my upcoming wedding day was a disaster. Have you ever had an outlandish dream that you wake yourself up from only to fall back asleep and find yourself continuing the same dream? Yeah, it was a nightmare.

In the dream my wedding photographer was a no-show. The caterer showed up, but with an unpalatable potluck spread. The decorations were lime-green paper mache. And I couldn’t understand why I chose to wear blue jeans to my own wedding.

There’s been a lot of talk about marriage lately. Americans witnessed the federal deconstruction of marriage when our nine Supreme Court Justices ruled in favor of same-sex “marriage” back in June. With the hacking of the adultery website, Ashley Madison,  we’re watching thousands of marriages-in and outside of the Church crumble. So the pressure is on to get this wedding/marriage stuff right.

As I write this, my wedding is nearly 40 days 60 hours 38 minutes and 14 seconds away (but who’s counting?). For the past six months I’ve prided myself on being a stress-free bride. “As long as my fiancé, the officiant, and a witness show up I’m good to go,” I’d say when friends asked how wedding planning was going. After all, our wedding budget was nowhere near the decadent $25,200 wedding blowouts the average American couple is willing to spend. But as our wedding date sneaks closer, I find myself worrying that a disaster could sabotage our special day and, more important, was losing grip on the Biblical foundation of wedded day bliss.

Later, in recounting the nightmare to my fiancé, I said, “During the ceremony we sat on ponies on opposite ends of the sanctuary. Imagine that! What would people think?”

Amused, my sweet husband-to-be asked, “Did we get married in the dream?”

I nodded my head. “The ceremony was a circus,” I said, “but yes.”

“Then,” he said with a twinkle in his eye, “it was a good dream.”

Touché. While I was looking towards possible wedding faux pas, he was looking towards the sacrament of the ceremony. But however correct my fiancé’s perspective was, it did little to ease my rising anxieties.

So like any good blogger, I decided to take a little time to refocus on the meaning behind my upcoming nuptials starting with the best marriage advice I’ve received from wiser, faithful folks in the comments section of articles on marriage. Don’t judge me.

Shortly after our engagement I penned “A Practice Church Wedding,” in which I asked readers for their best marriage advice. Here are two of my favorite practical words of wisdom:

When you say “for richer, for poorer” everyone thinks of course it’s for richer. Not necessarily. When you say “in sickness and in health” it can mean strange things. Like – both of you being diabetics together(!). And, both of you having cataracts — and cataract surgeries at the same time(!). Marriage for us for 28 years has been travelling together the road of life with being in God’s hands and our hands together in Christ through the ups and downs. What an adventure! And God knows how to take us all the way home.                                                                                                                                                                — Tragoudi Arpa

After 37 years of marriage, I urge you to study those traditional vows and really keep them. Don’t think about how you feel or what you need ahead of your spouse, but before you take those vows do the best you can to know your affianced is capable of keeping those vows, too. The real secret to marriage is not whether you are loved, but that you obey God’s command to love unconditionally. This is the most you can do to be faithful and live together evenly yoked.                                                                       —Prudentia

Helpful advice, for sure. These readers have lived and breathed the beauty and beast of marriage and I’m grateful for their words of wisdom. But their thoughtful tips still weren’t enough to calm this bride-to-be’s looming anxieties. My problem was that the source of my anxieties reached deep down to my misplaced joy.

While reading my morning devotion, Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest, I was reminded that my happiness is not found in sparkly white dresses and perfectly planned ceremonies. More shocking for our sex-obsessed culture is my handsome groom’s love can’t even provide me with complete fulfillment. I admit that some days the latter is a tough truth to apply, though I know that marriage isn’t like the fairytales.

On the topic of the source of love and joy, Jesus shared, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.” (John 15: 9-11)

Of Jesus’ words, Chambers writes, “The first thing that will hinder this joy is the captious irritation of thinking out circumstances.” As if writing specifically with anxious brides in mind, Chambers continues, “Before we know where we are, we are caught up in the shows of things.”

Talk about an “Aha!” moment. Christ’s love and joy are unfailing. So even if I fail at wedding planning and disasters occur, I still have my joy. When my future husband and I hit hard times in marriage and we are struggling to pay the bills and nurture screaming neurotic kids, I still have my joy.

So what if the photographer is a no-show and the cake is lopsided? So what if my wedding day isn’t flawless? What if our marriage isn’t picture-perfect? Our wedding lasts for one afternoon. Our marriage lasts for the rest of our lifetime. Neither is the source of my complete joy. And for that, I’m actually grateful.