Did you know that September is ex-gay awareness month? Honestly, I did not realize such a commemoration took place either until last year. I received an invitation to attend the first annual Ex-Gay Awareness Month Conference hosted by Voice of the Voiceless , Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays , and Equality And Justice For All. This introduction coupled with stories shared by some of the most courageous men and women I’ve yet to encounter illumined me to the love and support the ex-gay community deserves as they face tremendous hostility from gay activists.
But it’s not just gay activists who belittle the ministry of ex-gay awareness advocates, therapists and support group leaders. By now you’ve likely heard RNS News report that Dr. Russell Moore has supposedly “denounced reparative therapy” for same-sex attracted individuals who wish to change their sexual attractions and join the ex-gay community. But if you read all of Moore’s statements, you cannot find him downright rejecting sexual orientation change efforts (SOCE). Instead, he’s putting therapy in its place on the hierarchy of healing, as I explained over at The Christian Post while rejecting that notion that the solution is ultimately change.
Unfortunately, the voices not heard in this sudden revival of debate are those within the ex-gay community, many of whom have used therapy for wise counsel, accountability and healing.
Perfectly named Voice of the Voiceless (VOV), this non-profit advocates for “the rights of former homosexuals and encourages faith-based communities to love and support individuals dealing with unwanted same-sex attraction.” VOV’s co-founder and President is Christopher Doyle, an identifying ex-gay now husband, psychotherapist, educator, author, and an advocate whose ministry I have grown to greatly respect over the past year.
Because of the deeply emotional attachments to discussions regarding sexual orientation change, it is vital we hear from those whose lives and work are affected by such efforts. Please read Doyle’s thoughtful, personal reflection in its entirety shared to me via email. Below is Doyle’s official response :
First of all, I think it’s important we don’t speak in soundbites on an issue as highly complex as sexuality. Russell Moore’s comments should be respected as a leader in the Southern Baptist church, and there is much to applaud with what he said. Any time the church at large seeks to elevate the dialogue on homosexuality, there will be ground gained as well as significant controversy and feelings hurt.
No doubt, Moore’s acknowledgement of the church’s failings in their ministry towards those who experience same-sex attractions (SSA) is important, both in our respect for the dignity of all people, but also, in our understanding that people who experience SSA have been condemned from the pulpit and mistreated, misunderstood, and marginalized for feelings they did not choose.
Moore’s comments that the “idea that one is simply the sum of one’s sexual identity is something that is psychologically harmful ultimately” is a statement I completely agree with – my clients come to me and my colleagues distressed about unwanted homosexual feelings, but it’s not the sexual feelings we treat or seek to change. Homosexual feelings are often the result of underlying sexual trauma or emotional detachment from same-sex peers and parents – when individuals realize the source of their feelings and pursue healing in their lives, change happens.
Change happens in the pews, and change happens in the counseling office. I don’t think we should limit God’s power to heal, transform, and change – after all, if God is the source of all truth, then why can’t He use psychology to help us heal?
This past Monday night, I worked with over twenty Christian men from all over the world who are conflicted about their unwanted SSA in an online support group called Joel 2:25. These men are confronting their wounds, healing with other Christian men, and learning to form emotionally healthy relationships with other men. God is at the center of this therapy, because these men are surrendering their sexual desires for a higher pursuit – and that is not heterosexuality, it’s healing, and God is in that safe place. In my work with the International Healing Foundation, so much of our ministry is dedicated to working with church leadership to help them better understand how to minister to those who experience SSA – we’re helping them transform their pews from one of judgment and condemnation to hope and healing. This is not a “utopian idea” of changing people, but rather, loving them where they are at and helping them pursue healing. My desire is for Russell Moore to sit down with me and so many of these men that I know who’s lives have been transformed because of Christian therapists who understand how to help those struggling with unwanted SSA so we can better help the church in their ministry towards those struggling with homosexuality.”
For more information about Christopher Doyle, Voice of the Voiceless and how you can help support the ex-gay community, please visit http://www.voiceofthevoiceless.info/.
Comment by Jeremy Long on October 31, 2014 at 6:32 pm
On various blogs, some of the nastiest comments I’ve ever seen are by gays mocking ex-gays – after all, if you’re born gay (they say), you’re in denial, you still want sex with your own gender, therapy never works, etc etc. “Born gay” is absolutely scientifically unprovable, yet it is pushed with the fanaticism of people defending a religious dogma. Hidden all the malice, you have to wonder: Are there a lot of gays and lesbians who, for all of their happy PR, just uncomfortable enough with their lies that they’re all participating in a conspiracy of silence – “Don’t you DARE even hint to straight people that we aren’t all just as happy and well adjusted as can be?” When I see some of the anger in their posts, I’m thinking: If you go ballistic just because a few gays wish to change their orientation, what’s your problem?
Comment by DrewTwoFish on November 3, 2014 at 11:50 am
You can find nastiness on both sides but having visited both progressive and conservative sites I think things are decidedly lopsided. If you’re looking for nasty comments from the right take stroll over to Charisma and Christian Post.
Just because there is not a specific discrete gene for homosexuality doesn’t mean that genes don’t play a role. The expression of traits is rarely as simple as an on/off switch. We really don’t know, yet, how sexuality develops for anybody. I don’t think that means we will never come to any definitive answers about how these things work.
It may well be that a minority of gay people may be able to modify their orientation. I’m skeptical but also prepared to say I don’t know. People can certainly change their behaviour but that’s another thing. The problem I see is when the exception of orientation change is held up as the expectation. It’s not unlike blaming someone for being sick because they didn’t pray hard enough. I think that Christians have to face this reality (some people can’t change their orientation, some people get sick, everybody dies, etc.) if they want to effectively minister to people, whatever their theology.
Gay people do get unhinged (go ballistic) sometimes but their passion is fuelled by having to put up with a lot of crap for a very long time, often from those you might expect that they would receive the most help and support from, i.e. their church families.
Comment by Peter on October 31, 2014 at 7:46 pm
“Dr. Francis S. Collins, head of the Human Genome Project, along with his team of over 150 of the top geneticists in the world, who sequenced and decoded the human genome, have said, that there is NO gay gene.”
Comment by MarcoPolo on November 2, 2014 at 9:23 am
Whether a “Gay” gene is ever discovered or not, it doesn’t account for the diversity of physiological nuances in cell development.
No, I’m not a Scientist. But this discussion seems to be driven on emotion, more than science, so why not consider some of the factors in play?
We’ve all encountered male individuals who exhibit very effeminate characteristics…and that’s generally not something we feel compelled to change… that is except the religious right. WHY?
Why must we expect that there only be two genders, and NOTHING in between?
I think in time, we’ll discover more about the human condition than our current prejudices allow. And the world will not collapse upon itself.
Comment by mikeg on November 2, 2014 at 2:40 pm
Where do you dig this stuff up? The religious right feels “compelled to change” men with effeminate mannerisms? Got ANY evidence for that, because knowing a lot of religious right people, I never heard ONE person express any interest in changing fem men’s mannerisms?
Do you ever descend to reality, or prefer socializing with straw men?
Comment by MarcoPolo on November 3, 2014 at 9:03 am
Dear mikeg,
I didn’t have to dig very deep to make my point…
You made my point!
Yes, I’ve met Christian people who believe that men who exhibit effeminate mannerisms should be excommunicated from the Church for being Gay.
By your response, I presume that you (or the Church, if you speak for them) would never consider the effeminate mannerisms of a male, in need of changing. So why is there any need to convert a Gay person to Straight?
If you view the effeminate mannerisms as an acceptable character trait, then why not accept that there are individuals who are somewhere in between male and female, or even a combination of the two?
Sorry if I offended you, but there never seems to be an end to the war against our LGBT friends.
I didn’t infer that you held those same prejudices.
Comment by Peter on October 31, 2014 at 7:47 pm
“Dr. Nicholas Cummings says that since he was APA(American Psychological Association) president, the group has been “totally hijacked” by gay and lesbian rights activists. “It’s incredible,” he said; having personally seen “hundreds of people change,’” the view that all homosexuality is “hard-wired” and same-sex attraction can never be changed is simply “not supported by scientific evidence.”