You’re Not Enough (And That’s Okay): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love, by Allie Beth Stuckey.
Sentinel, 2020. 208 pages
In her book You’re Not Enough (and that’s okay) author Allie B. Stuckey offers an antidote to the culture of self-love pushed by social media influencers and self-help gurus.
Stuckey’s honesty serves to expose self-focused lies that many women believe – and diagnoses the toxicity of the trend by directing readers to seek God’s unchanging truth.
Too often today women are told they have within themselves enough to do, be and have all the things their heart desires. But what happens when these mostly young women have it all, do it all, and become it all?
Stuckey addresses a “cult of self-affirmation” by seeking to dismantle lies perpetuated through social media, politics, and sometimes even the church, by tackling five common myths women often fall prey to:
- You are enough
- You determine your truth
- You’re perfect the way you are
- You’re entitle to your dreams
- You can’t love others until you love yourself
Throughout each chapter, Stuckey addresses the main issue of the self-love culture: the self cannot be the problem and the solution.
No matter how much time, energy, and focus is placed into self-love, self-care, or self-discovery, women will feel empty, unhappy, disappointed, or incomplete. It is possible to have the ability to do, be, or have all the things but, the truth is, women will never have the capacity to fulfill that deep desire to be complete, whole, or perfect.
In signature fashion listeners of Stuckey’s Relatable podcast will recognize, Stuckey does not shy from tough and controversial subjects. She gracefully speaks the truth in love, weaving in her own experiences and testimony throughout, to uncover the hard fact no one wants to acknowledge: by your own will and strength, you will never be enough. But, guess what? You were never meant to be. And that, she insists, is okay.
Commitment to a life of self-love is a selfish pursuit and Stuckey lovingly explains why throughout this book. Yes, it is important to love ourselves and to be good stewards of the earthly bodies we were given. Our body is a temple and the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). But, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-criticism, and all the other selfie-theme pursuits for happiness can never be achieved through elevation and prioritization of self. They will always fall short or crash and burn. True love and acceptance come through the death, lowering, or deplatforming of self.
John the Baptist said it best – “He must become greater; I must become less.” (John 3:30)
The lowering of one’s self along with a life of service instead of a life that is self-serving is not just freeing, it is also rewarding. It’s counter-cultural to be selfless and to put the needs of others before yourself yet doing so provides a life of purpose. Going outside of your self brings fullness into one’s life. And that fullness is received through the sacrificial love of Jesus Christ, dying for the sins of humanity to redeem and unite us back to the One who made us.
Because of Him and only because of Him, we are enough for the Maker of the Universe.
You’re Not Enough (and that’s okay) offers scriptural reference and context that counters every attack brought on by the selfie culture. Additionally, Stuckey includes personal stories as well as her personal experiences “drinking the Kool-Aid” served during a millennial’s coming-of-age years.
I’d suggest this book to women who are new in their faith journey, to those who are exploring the destructive path of self-affirmation or are currently tangled up in the self-love/self-help culture, to those who may not have ever encountered Jesus or who have never intentionally pursued Christianity.
You’re Not Enough (and that’s okay) could be a great starting place or spiritual nudge of conviction for individuals who are looking for renewal, restoration, and ultimately, an unconditional love that never fades and forever sustains.
Regardless of where you are in your season of life or walk with Christ, You’re Not Enough (and that’s okay) is a book well worth the read for any millennial or Gen Z woman. It’s one of those books that is easy to read and contains truth that is freeing to receive. In a word, it is relatable and I’m sure it is a book I’ll be recommending for years to come.
Comment by John on July 10, 2024 at 10:16 pm
The thing is women were told too often before the that the problem was always them and about them. How many women in abusive relationships were told to stick it out by a pastor or religious leader? How many still sometimes get blamed when their husband is unfaithful to them? How many when they were raped or harassed were asked what they did to “lead their attacker on”? A couple centuries ago, it was not uncommon for husbands and families to blame the woman when she lost a pregnancy. Even today the whinny little boys of the manosphere still engage in incredible mental gymnastics to lay all their problems and failures at the feet of women they have nor ever will even meet, except perhaps in their own sick dreams. Conservative Christian society must fully repent of all the ways it has historically mistreated women, before it can tell them to remove the speck from their eyes.
Comment by MikeB on July 11, 2024 at 11:52 pm
John,
You have a very strange non christian version of repentance.
People don’t need to repent for the sins of their ancestors (physically or spiritually).
Comment by John on July 12, 2024 at 11:40 am
MikeB,
Who said anything about their ancestors? These sorts of things still happen in Christian churches today. You can read accounts of women today who were told by their pastor to stay with abusive husbands and continue to cover up abuse by their male leadership. Rape culture is very real and has poisoned our churches as much as it has everywhere else. The thing self-righteous crusaders like Stuckey have never owed up to is that many ultra-conservative churches don’t really teach women to look to Christ for their hope and salvation the same way they teach men. Instead they teach them to come to Christ “through their husbands” and even to place their marriage and relationship with their husband before God.
Comment by MikeB on July 12, 2024 at 5:32 pm
John, you said a couple of centuries ago and historically.
Glad you are backing off any concept like collective debt.
I would say that those stories are newsworthy in Jewish and Christian groups.
They are the rule in Islam.
In all seriousness what church has a rape culture, you should name them right now so they can be called out and investigated.
To that note, have you ever been to an ultra conservative church? I’ve been to one, and they have A LOT (Seriously A LOT) of problems, but sex based salvation and rape culture are not any of those.
In fact those churches usually put women on a pedestal, and yes they preach marriage and children (for both men and women) are things that please God and our purpose. But never have I heard any weird cultishness about women having to come to Christ through their husbands. The preach zero tolerance to any per-marital sex, which would especially include rape.
My only thought is that reddit is full of people who claim to have escaped from Christian churches but have never been to one or are making things up for “street cred”.
I’m sure theres at least a few cults that are messed up, but those are newsworthy like Creflo Dollar’s airplane.
Comment by Douglas E Ehrhardt on July 12, 2024 at 5:51 pm
I was thinking the same,name the offenders. Most churches today are infected with feminism. Ultra conservative churches are very few in the United States. The Biblical worldview is held by less than 5: percent of the population. Living in a liberal area it’s hard to find a ultra conservative church. Or even a Bible believing one.
Comment by Diane on July 13, 2024 at 11:32 am
I was raised in the 50s/60s, societal views told women they weren’t enough without a man, as in marriage to a man. I was active in a mainline church as a young person and always found myself dreading “Women’s Sunday”, when women served as deacons, elders and preached. I was anxious the women would drop the communion plates. I was also anxious about boarding a plane with a woman as the pilot, of having a doctor or pastor who was a woman. The church’s message of father God indoctrinated women to believe they were not enough, it was right to be dependent on men. I’m 75 now, long divorced from a marriage just after college when I felt that pressure to find a man. It was an amicable divorce and we each went on to pursue lives of service within the community. I never re-married and don’t regret the life I’ve led. I do regret that I swallowed the lie that women aren’t enough without a man.
Comment by Tim Ware on July 13, 2024 at 8:04 pm
The mainline churches today are run by women, and they resemble women’s clubs. All the mainline churches have a feminine feel. They are run for and by women. So I don’t think women have a lot to gripe about.
Comment by John on July 15, 2024 at 11:10 am
Tim Ware,
The vast majority of churches are still led and controlled by men. So why do I hear them griping so much?
Comment by MikeB on July 16, 2024 at 7:39 pm
John as you well know, the complaint is how evil people who do not believe in Christ have lied their way into the churches under a one way tolerance until they took power, then mocked God and his word in churches…
If these evil people and those who enable them are male or female is of no importance.
Comment by Tim Ware on July 16, 2024 at 8:51 pm
John,
Please see the picture accompanying the “Kinship” article. It is a graphic illustration of my point.
Comment by Different Steve on July 26, 2024 at 7:44 pm
Share of young adults, esp. y women, who say they are “unlikely” to have kids is surging.
Biggest reason: “Just don’t want to”.
What’s driving the anti-/a-natalism of today’s young adults according to new
@pewresearch?
Hobbyism
Consumerism
Desire for $ security &
Workism
But many young adults who don’t want kids don’t fully anticipate the social, $ & emotional realities of childlessness in later life. Staggering stats here from Pew:
Among older childless adults…
72% worry about finances
68% worry about having caregiver when old
56% worry about being lonely
https://twitter.com/BradWilcoxIFS/status/1816503501599490392