Loss of Faith

Dealing with a Loss of Faith – Part 1

Rick Plasterer on April 28, 2022

The trauma of professing Christians leaving the faith, perhaps after years of life in the Christian world, is a common occurrence in the early twenty-first century. It is noticeable both among friends and family of Christians, and also among Christian celebrities, with loss of faith by persons in the Christian music industry perhaps gaining the most notoriety. This was discussed by several speakers both at the Southern Evangelical Seminary’s National Apologetics Conference on April 8-9, and at the annual L’Abri Conference in February.

Liz Snell, who works at the L’Abri Fellowship in Vancouver, British Columbia, discussed the experience of family and friends who lose their faith, and her own struggle with doubt. She said that “over the years I have watched my five siblings, and quite a few of my close friends walk away from Christianity altogether.” Things she has seen among her friends and associates are complete rejection of Christianity, adopting a “more progressive” form of Christianity, or taking a “spiritual but not religious” stance. “Deconstruction” is a term used for this, and has become a very real possibility for many. She noted that sometimes those trying to support people who are deconstructing “lose their faith too.”

Loss of faith is not simply a contemporary thing. It is in fact referred to in the Bible. But currently, younger Americans are leaving the Christian faith at a rapid rate. She said that according to Pew Research Center, 35% of baby boomers identify as Evangelicals, while only 11% of younger millennials do. But this loss of faith also holds for Catholics and mainline Protestants. Canada has the greatest secularization; Americans are twice as likely as Canadians to say that “religion is important to them.” Older adults in Canada “are 29% more likely to practice and value religion than younger ones, as opposed to 17%” in the U.S.

As to the reasons people leave the faith, she mentioned the belief that Christianity is unscientific, rejection of the conservative Christian embrace of politics in the last couple of generations, and the feeling of being “personally hurt” by the church or individual Christians. Liberal/left commitments to “fight for justice, protect the environment, or serve the poor” are thought incompatible with the Christianity many people knew. Sexual issues are a big reason for apostasy, with the wider culture “emphasizing sex as a human right,” contrary to Christian sexual morality, which holds sex as proper only in an opposite-sex monogamous marriage, and not a right if this is not possible or wanted. Another factor is the occurrence of great tragedy, and the feeling that God is not there or does not care. This is particularly severe for people “who grew up with the prosperity gospel.”

Snell said she has gone through her own period of doubt. She grew up in a church in which there was great emphasis on spiritual experience. She did not have such experiences, and so concluded that “something must be wrong with me, or God had rejected me.” She said “she was worried I wasn’t a real Christian, so I remember being eight years old and lying in bed and praying the sinner’s prayer over and over.” She said she was worried that “because I didn’t feel anything, it wasn’t working.” She understands the feeling of isolation of Christians who are doubting their faith may have, and how one could feel that if other Christians knew that one was doubting, “they might not want to be your friend.”

However, a common reason for deconstruction is that “the gospel of personal peace and affluence is very alluring, and it’s not easy to submit to a king.” But this isn’t the only reason for deconstruction, and “it doesn’t always apply.”

Snell likes the term “faith shift” to describe deconstruction, because it covers “so many different experiences … Some people lose faith suddenly, and completely, and they never return.” Struggle for years, periods of security in one’s faith, conversion to another religion, or a final “spiritual but not religious” stance are all kinds of “faith shifts.”

Snell observed that when a loved one is undergoing a faith shift, “you don’t know where they’ll end up … and they usually don’t know either. We would do well to ponder how destabilizing a loss of faith can be.”

Loss of faith can involve both grief and/or “a sense of freedom.” One may be able to do many things that one had wanted to do. There can be freedom in feeling that one “doesn’t have to fake it to fit in.” She said that a spousal loss of faith is perhaps one of the worst. A typical reaction of someone who has a loved one losing faith is “how could this happen.” While “you don’t want to be the Christian who represents everything they’re rejecting … you also don’t want to compromise your own beliefs.”

Engaging a person who is undergoing a faith shift may challenge one’s own faith. Neither the person undergoing a faith shift, nor their believing friend may be able to clearly and consistently state their beliefs, but the believing friend may be afraid to express his or her own confusion; fearful that it “would only make things worse.”

Snell asked what Jesus did with people who came to him with questions and doubts. She observed that he “ate with people considered disreputable, and it seems they actually enjoyed being around him.” Also, “Jesus took serious people seriously.” People came to him with “all kinds of questions.” Jesus answered those trying to fool him in kind, but answered Nicodemus’s honest question with “the most famous gospel verse of all time.” He responded to questions by addressing “the heart behind them.” However, “Jesus never minimized truth when speaking to people.” He spoke both truth and grace to the woman at the well, who then told others about him. “Sacrificial love” should characterize the way we engage others, but we need to remember engaging people who are deconstructing their faith that “Jesus is their savior, not us.” One struggling should first look to him, not to the strength of one’s own faith, or a Christian friend.

Engaging others in love is sharing in Jesus’ love, she said. “‘Truth with love’ has become a cliché, but I think it’s still significant” Truth and compassion are not mutually exclusive, Christian faith requires both. At one point so many of her friends were deconstructing that she “felt afraid and confused” and had to be honest about that with her friends. Openness led deeper conversations.

Snell said that honesty is important. We must be honest with God, with the risk of being open about change and loss. “We all have false ideas about God that need to be dismantled.” Humility and admission of one’s own faults, and willingness to entertain questions one may never have thought of are needed. We also must be willing to let people make their own decisions about Christ, as he was.

Maintaining one’s own faith and peace when walking with someone experiencing deconstruction is also important, she said. Important parts of this are being in a community of believers, reaching out to Christian friends for fellowship, embracing joy (which is not incompatible with grief, she said), and thanksgiving to God for his goodness, for Christian friends, and for the life of the deconstructing friend, who is still loved by God.

This writer would point out that there must be a core of Christian faith to be defended if we are to follow Christ. People must believe on the one God has sent, and struggle, if necessary, to enter through that gate. Snell observed that Job and Psalms are full of struggle. While faith must be given by God, prayer, use of apologetic literature, counseling of a Christian friend (where this is possible), and perseverance in obedience to the commands Christ and the apostles have given us in Scripture may be the only way forward to a confident faith.

As noted above, deconstruction is now seen among Christian celebrities, and this was discussed by a panel at the Southern Evangelical Seminary’s National Apologetics Conference on April 9. This will be reviewed in a subsequent article.

It can be viewed here.

  1. Comment by Tom on April 28, 2022 at 5:36 pm

    People who leave the Christian faith and/or church always amaze me. I came to Christ as an adult and know the non-Christial life quite well. It was awful. Non-Christians have to live in the same sinful, fallen world that we do; but they are completely on their own without any divine help. It is a terrible, frustrating, tormented way of life; and I am always baffled when people who have been exposed to the reality of the church choose it.

    But, as the article says, this is nothing new. Hebrews 6.

  2. Comment by David Gingrich on April 30, 2022 at 6:47 am

    Thank you for your wonderful comment, Tom.

    “This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.” John 3:19-21

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