“Indeed the mode of showing your courtesy may vary, as Christian prudence will direct. But the thing itself is due to all: the lowest and worst have a claim to our courtesy.” -John Wesley
In 1788, John Wesley published portions of a famous work on manners by the Italian author Baldassare Castiglione which first appeared in English in 1528. Manners, or civility, was a topic of great interest in eighteenth-century Britain. And Wesley, like so many others, tied manners to religion, i.e. a settled heart will be evident in the way that we treat one another.
Writing in the same century, Jeremy Bentham described manners as “a branch of morality.”
These connections had long been explored by authors throughout Europe. And to be honest, we can assume that they had been taught by parents to their children, even without putting them into writing.
What they show, however, is that these thinkers refused to separate moral formation from outward behavior.
And manners involve much more than how to greet someone or what fork to use at a formal dinner, even if those are good things to know.
I still remember attending a long worship service some years back at the National Cathedral here in Washington. Sitting in front of me was a little boy, probably five or six, who handled himself perfectly throughout the entire service. I commended him to his mother afterward. She thanked me for noticing, but I could tell that she simply thought that he acted as he should act. I was even more impressed.
It’s the small things, the supposedly minor details, that often tell us something about a person’s character.
Another word that Wesley used to describe all of this was “courtesy.” In his sermon, “On Pleasing All Men,” published in 1787 he wrote that “indeed the mode of showing your courtesy may vary, as Christian prudence will direct. But the thing itself is due to all: the lowest and worst have a claim to our courtesy.”
The reality is that these small acts convey a great deal. That small courtesy, that kind word rightly delivered, or even just basic manners shown to a stranger, can reveal the value we are called to place on every single person we encounter.
Treat one another as you would want to be treated, of course. But what does it mean to see Christ in the stranger, to acknowledge the Image of God imprinted on every soul, or the reality that Jesus died for every single person you will ever encounter.
That small act of kindness, or manners shown, courtesy, or whatever we might call it, communicates loud and clear, louder and more deeply than we might ever imagine.
Ryan N. Danker is director of the John Wesley Institute, Washington, DC. This is adapted from a weekly JWI newsletter that can be subscribed to here.
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