Of God and Dawgs

Recently I attended an outdoor wedding in Georgia. It struck me that it was the first time I had ever been to one. I’d been to outdoor receptions before, but never an actual wedding ceremony. I know they’re very popular now and I’ve seen them on TV, but as a Catholic priest, all of the several hundred weddings that I’ve witnessed over the years, or even attended, have been in a church or synagogue. The couple in question is middle aged, and for both of them, it was their second attempt at “till death do us part.”

I must say that everything was wonderful. The setting was the backyard of a guy’s 27-acre estate. Though he’s not a farmer, there were a few penned animals that surrounded his deluxe, custom-built log cabin in the woods. Then there was the set up: from the tables to the flowers to the wedding area to the food and even to the band, it was as if the couple had commissioned Martha Stewart herself to organize everything. To top it all off, the weather was absolutely spectacular. As I nibbled on passed hors d’oeuvres and sipped fine wine before the ceremony, I thought to myself, “Maybe these events aren’t so bad after all.”

Then it came time for the wedding ceremony. I was taught never to eat or drink in church, so I ditched my glass and plate and made my way over to the outdoor chapelette. The seasoned vets of outdoor weddings knew that the call for the ceremony to begin was merely the signal to re-fill their wine glasses and put some more snacks on their plates. One wouldn’t want to endure a 25-minute ceremony without sustenance.

Still, everything was decorous until it came time for the exchange of vows, which the couple had diligently composed themselves and transcribed onto expensive parchment paper. These vows were the most frivolous, superficial, non-theological words I’ve ever heard uttered in a religious ceremony, with the preacher’s words a close second. I’ll get to him in a minute. But the bride’s vows concluded with, “And I promise that from this day forward, I will be a Georgia Bulldogs fan through thick and thin. Go Dawgs!” And then she barked a few times. Some people laughed. The groom’s vows were equally jocular and vapid. His concluding vow was to “Make sure I keep you laughing every day.” I was embarrassed for them.

The rent-a-reverend seemed like a decent guy. He was young, good looking, and polished. It was obvious that he, too, had done this before. My guess is that part of the fee for a “customized wedding” is that the minister has to pretend to know the couple better than he actually does. As a result, he made up such nonsense about this couple that he couldn’t possibly have known (having met them for only an hour two days prior), and which was, in some cases, simply not true. But what really annoyed me was that he stood there with the Bible in his hands, open to some page or another, and never once read from it. All he did in his sermon was recount the (entire) story of Ruth and Boaz in his own words. He kept saying, “…as we’ll see here in a minute,” and then he’d lift up his Bible like he was going to read from it, but never did. I wanted to yell, “Hey Rev, how ‘bout you just read us the actual passage from the Good Book instead of summarizing it with your own strained comparisons to the bride and groom!” Nary was a sentence from scripture read throughout the ceremony, and this guy pastors a Liberty Baptist Fellowship church! I was likewise embarrassed for him.

I should also add that he almost made it through the entire ceremony without once mentioning the name “Christ,” or “Jesus,” Quite honestly, the sardonic side of me was kind of hoping that he would have gotten through the entire service without mentioning Him, just so I’d have one more thing to complain about. But right at the very end of his various impromptu remarks, he managed to squeeze in a single reference to Jesus.

Certainly, these “abuses” are not denomination-specific. Ministers of all faiths get asked to do things that are incongruent with their faith traditions. The problem is when they willingly go along with the inane request. I remember in my first year of priesthood, a couple requested a musical interlude after their exchange of rings. The song they just had to have sung was by Led Zeppelin. (I’m too embarrassed to tell you whether or not I allowed it!) Thankfully, the Catholic marriage ritual leaves little room for additions such as football cheers during the vows. The Code of Canon Law even stipulates that a marriage between two Christians, even if one of them is not Catholic, should take place in a proper church. This helps everyone to focus on the solemnity of the occasion.

Many Christians are rightly fretting over the state of marriage today, especially in light of recent Supreme Court rulings. If we want our culture to take marriage seriously, we have to model it not only in our homes, but also in our churches’ rites and liturgies. If everything at a wedding is crafted to near perfection except the vows, the scripture readings, and the sermon, it speaks volumes about what we value.

On that picture-perfect Saturday afternoon, this couple was joined in matrimony. I hope it was holy. Perhaps their favorite wedding gift of all was that their beloved Bulldogs won that day. I pray they have the same level of success.

James A. Hamel is a Catholic priest serving on active duty in the Air Force. He is currently the Wing Chaplain at Eglin Air Force Base, Florida.