Rev. Dr. Bill Bouknight is a retired United Methodist minister, a member of the Memphis Annual Conference. He was educated at Duke, University of Edinburgh- Scotland, and Yale Divinity School. He served churches in South Carolina for 28 years. From 1994 until 2007 he served as Senior Minister of Christ UMC in Memphis, TN. Currently he is a part-time Associate Director of the Confessing Movement within the United Methodist Church.
Orthodox United Methodists are sometimes more inclined to defend the biblical standards for sexual behavior than to reach out in Christian love to people entangled in sexual sin and/or dysfunction. The Bible presents clear guidelines governing behavior, but Christianity is more about grace than rules. St. Paul reminded us that if we have not love, we are only “a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” (I Cor. 13:1) Therefore, it is essential that orthodox United Methodists learn how to express Christian love to persons entangled in sexual sin and/or dysfunction.
Every person is priceless in the sight of God, and we Christians are under a mandate to love other persons even as we are loved by God. “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love…Whoever loves God must also love his brother.” (I John 4:8, 21) God’s love for us did not stop because of our sin. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
All of us (heterosexuals, homosexuals, and bisexuals) are sinners. None of us is good enough to be saved without a Savior, and none of us is so bad as to be outside the reach of the Savior’s love.
Christian love (agape) is a decision, not an emotion. Agape is the effort of a Christian, equipped with a changed heart and the infilling of the Holy Spirit, to do what is wisest and best for another person.
When agape is directed toward a self-avowed, practicing homosexual, two attitudes should be eliminated immediately:
- Treating the homosexual with contempt or disdain. After all, their expression of sin is no better or worse than mine, and I have been forgiven.
- Distorting the biblical message in order to tell the homosexual what they may want to hear–that homosexual conduct is acceptable by God. Genuine agape never distorts or disagrees with biblical truth. Only the most strained and tortured exegesis of Scripture can produce a biblical blessing for any sexual relationship other than in the marriage covenant of husband and wife. God does not encourage activities that are prohibited by Scripture.
How then should a Christian relate to a self-avowed, practicing homosexual? This question is urgent because most Christians know people who are homosexual. In my forty-one years of ministry, I have listened to their stories and experiences and have learned much about their living. First, if one wants to express agape love toward another person, one must build a friendship with that person. Because many homosexuals lead a lonely existence, the friendship of opposite-gender persons is especially important. So, from this point on I will refer to the object of our agape love as “friend.”
First, I offer this list of “Don’ts”:
- Don’t beat your friend over the head with the Bible. Don’t be condescending. Remember, all of us are sinners.
- Don’t assume that your friend will be offended by Scripture. Scripture affirms and convicts all persons, but even God’s convicting word points us toward the ultimate good news of salvation.
- Don’t offer advice unless and until your friend asks for it.
- Don’t ask unnecessary questions lest you violate your friend’s privacy.
- Don’t assume that your friend will fit some cultural stereotype of a homosexual.
- Don’t give up on your friend if he/she disagrees with you or even becomes angry with you. Real friendship includes patience and understanding.
Secondly, I offer this list of “Do’s”:
- Protect confidences and confidential information.
- Defend your friend if he/she is harassed or discriminated against.
- Listen well.
- Pray regularly for and with your friend.
- Invite your friend to worship and attend Sunday school with you if he/she does not have a church home.
- Once you have developed real friendship and trust, gently and prayerfully point out to your friend the Scriptural passages relating to sexuality. Real friends warn their friends of danger. Those Scriptural passages are the following: Genesis 1:27-28, 2:20b-25, 19:1-29; Leviticus 18:22, 20:13; Judges 19:22-26; Matthew 19:4-6, 11-12; Mark 10:6-9; Romans 1:26-27; I Corinthians 6:9-11, 18-20; Romans 1:26-27; I Thessalonians 4:1-7; and Jude 1:7.
- If your friend is willing to read about the church’s historic convictions concerning homosexuality/lesbianism, recommend “The Bible and Homosexual Practice,” by Robert A.J. Gagnon (Nashville: Abingdon) and “Staying the Course,” edited by Maxie D. Dunnam and H. Newton Malony (Nashville: Abingdon).
Your first responsibility to any friend (and the truest expression of agape love) is to help your friend know and serve Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord. Without being intrusive or judgmental, try to discern whether your friend is in a committed relationship with Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord. Once a person is in such a relationship, they are usually so grateful to God that they are eager to conform their worldview and behavior to Christian standards. Then if your friend expresses a desire to be liberated from same-sex attraction or unwanted homosexuality, you have permission to assist them. You can help connect your friend to a responsible, Christian therapy group.
Restored Hope Network has support groups, affiliated counselors and an association of biblically faithful churches all over the world. Their website is www.restoredhopenetwork.org/. Another resource is Homosexuals Anonymous (http://www.ha-fs.org/) which is a 14-step, Christ-centered program that is similar in methodology to Alcoholics Anonymous. Within the United Methodist Church, Transforming Congregations has developed a resource that guides churches in establishing ministry to all persons who are experiencing sexual brokenness (same-sex attractions, pornography use, infidelity, etc.). (www.transcong.org; transcong@aol.com).
If your friend simply wants your support in trying to live as a chaste single, you can and should provide such support.
As you walk alongside your friend, supporting and praying for him, you will be expressing agape love.
Comment by Mark0H on June 22, 2015 at 10:30 am
Regarding the point “Don’t beat the person with the Bible”: Many homosexuals will bring up the “clobber passages” in the Bible, the verses that specifically refer to homosexuality. The best response to that is to remind them that the entire Bible is one giant “clobber passage,” because God demands that all of us repent of our sins, so there is a level playing field in terms of salvation. Heterosexuals are constantly tempted to cheat on their spouses, sleep around, enjoy porn – and God say no. The Christian sexual standard is not easy for anybody, gay or straight. That’s just how it is.
Comment by Rajinder Nijjhar on June 26, 2015 at 5:05 am
Hi,
These robed hireling Dog-Collared Priests have no place in the ministry of Jesus but Satan that create divisions and sectarian riots. Different denominations speak of utter Blindness.
John, the Baptist never baptised a woman or a Gentile. Why?
Royal Priests are the sons of Most High Supernatural Father God in which we are concerned with souls that have no gender, colour or race. Fake Priests in Churches being men of letters devoid of holy spirit, “common sense” talk of races and genders. No wonder people are killed in the worship of Satan. People killed in Iraq, Syria, Ukraine, etc. is the work of robed Anti-Christs in Churches.
We have approached the End Times and the Tares, the Anti-Semitic Jews outwardly unfaithful to Abraham and Yahweh, the creator of male and female are getting bundled up in Israel; see Matt. 13v24-30. Wholesome destructions of Tares, unfaithful to tribal fathers will take place all over the world.
Jesus came to get rid of these Rabbis in Dog-Collars and you have got them in one form or the other to fulfil Matt. 12v43-45, what do you expect? They are greater hypocrites than before the arrival of Jesus. Jesus threw Judas Iscariot out at the Last Supper for he was a Thief stealing money from the Purse. People donate money at Churches; this Dog-Collared Priest dips his hand into the donations as his salary. No wonder a retired Vicar when addressed as a Vicar by the BBC presenter Nicky Campbell objected strongly and told him that he is no more a Vicar like a Policeman in uniform. All the life he was serving Mammon with a Dog-Collar making fools of the people that he is a man of God. In God, we have Royal Priests and they enjoy Fellowships.
If you study the present organisations of the Churches, they are based upon the Synagogues; some are Pharisees and the others more than Sadducees. At, the times of Jesus, these Blind Rabbis had two or three divisions and today in Jesus, more than 300 Cults when Jesus proclaimed One Fold, Church of God, headed by One Shepherd Christ Jesus, our Bridegroom.
These Churches are like blind men defining an elephant and their Dog-Collared hireling Priests are the most happy job satisfaction people fleecing the devotees of Jesus called turning stones, simple-minded people, into Bread and Butter.
SHAME TO SUCH ORGANISATIONS ESPECIALLY THE COE HEADED BY QUEEN, THE HEAD OF MAMMON IN GREAT BRITAIN.
Luke 16v16: Law and Prophets were till John, the Baptist whilst lowest in the Royal Kingdom of God, a Saint, is greater than John, the Baptist, also known as the Angel of Israel.
We are no more under the yoke of sins and these Dog-Collared Rabbis but Free Royal Priests that enjoy the Fellowships.
Comment by Ted R. Weiland on June 26, 2015 at 10:26 am
“Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.” (James 4:4)
A homosexual who’s a friend!?!
Hopefully, you’ll agree there’s only one standard by which everything is to be ethically evaluated: By Yahweh’s immutable morality as reflected His commandments, statutes, and judgments.
One of the repeated constants regarding Yahweh is that He is no respecter of persons. We are admonished to be the same.
With this in mind: To God (whose morality doesn’t change) homosexuality, (like murder, rape, kidnapping, etc.) is a capital crime. In other words, He regards murderers, rapists, kidnappers, and capital criminals all the same.
With this in mind and the admonition that we also are not to be respecter of persons, why do we describe homosexuals as our friends when we would never do the same with avowed murderers, rapists, etc.?
This is evidence that Christianity has fallen prey to political correctness when it comes to homosexuals.
For more on how Yahweh’s moral law applies and should be implemented today, see free online book “Law and Kingdom: Their Relevance Under the New Covenant” at http://www.bibleversusconstitution.org/law-kingdomFrame.html.
Comment by Grundune on June 26, 2015 at 3:36 pm
Troll Alert
Ted R. Weiland twists the Bible to make it sound like the Bible is anti-U.S. Constitution.
He also bends every conversation to his anti-U.S. Constitution crusade. If you hate or think you might like to hate the U.S. Constitution, join Ted and his 4 disciples and send him your hard earned money. Join the other leftist community organizers and get organized.
Yaaaah Comrade Weiland.
Comment by MarcoPolo on June 30, 2015 at 9:36 pm
I personally don’t know Ted R. Weiland, so I can’t speak to his character, but PLEASE don’t group what seems to be a fanatic like Ted with we Leftist/Community Organizers and lovers of LGBT people.
We’re not trying to convert people, we’re just trying to live our lives in peace and harmony.
Comment by Grundune on June 30, 2015 at 10:23 pm
Who said anything about LGBT people?
Sorry, but leftist community organizers by definition are trying to convert people.
Comment by MarcoPolo on July 1, 2015 at 8:54 am
Uh, the subject of the article? All about how to ‘deal with’ the homosexual in one’s realm.
When you denigrate Community Organizers, you speak ill of all the hard working Social Workers, Child Development Professionals, and even our sitting President.
As for Leftist, that’s a matter of perspective.
Comment by Grundune on July 1, 2015 at 11:43 am
Community organizers are the agents of the left that agitate against the conventional values that made this country strong. Values of individual initiative, hard work, building businesses, using entrepreneurial skills, etc. that characterize wealth creation.
Community organizers push discontent, resentment, it’s not your fault that you are poor and it’s the government’s responsibility to give you housing, cell phones, food stamps, and every other goodie that you can get. This government largesse is called redistributive socialism. It ruins economies and robs all citizens, except the ruling elite, of the chance of prosperity.
By doing this socialists (the left) acquire a constituency and political power. With this power they work to fundamentally transform this county into a third world welfare state, exactly what Obama said was his goal.
The U.S. Constitution has been a major barrier to the growth of redistributive socialism and has been under attack by socialists for at least the last 100 years.
Ted R. Weiland is using the same technique of sowing discontent to turn public sentiment against the U.S. Constitution in consonance with the radical left’s playbook for seizing power.
There are those of us who have taken an oath to support and defend the Constitution against all enemies foreign and domestic.
Weiland qualifies as a domestic enemy. I don’t think Social Workers do, unless they act like Weiland.
Comment by MarcoPolo on July 1, 2015 at 7:33 pm
Ah, “Wealth creation”, that’s the part I forgot to focus on in my life as an Artist.
I’m not against wealth creation! I require that of my clients, so I promote it. Just as long as that class pays it’s fair share of taxes!
As for my wife and I, we will be voting for Senator Bernie Sanders in the Primaries!
Nice chatting with you!
Comment by Grundune on July 1, 2015 at 9:28 pm
“Wealth creation” bubbles up from my degree in economics. I forget that it’s a dirty phrase with some folk.
BTW, an artist creates wealth in the economic sense just as much as a manufacturer, if his work has value in the marketplace.
I wouldn’t vote for Ms. Clinton either.
Comment by MarcoPolo on June 30, 2015 at 9:31 pm
Your conflation of Gays and Lesbians with that of Murderers, Rapists, et al is appalling and wrong!
You may never accept it, but don’t get in the way of progress!
Comment by Bob Brooke on June 26, 2015 at 11:09 am
How do any of us, who are Christians indeed, relate to those who are lost in their sins? With compassion and love, all the time pointing them to the cross of Christ and imploring them to repent. The main problem with the sin of homosexual intercourse is its acceptance by the world. But the world is not our guide. Jesus is. If we would be true to the Lord, we must trust in Him and heed His word. He said to the repentant sinner, “Go and sin no more.” Can we do any less?
Comment by Bob on June 26, 2015 at 5:13 pm
Acquaintence perhaps but a “Friend” being the Christian & homosexual Pervert.
Friend – a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection – REALLY – Perhaps you should Read the bible cover to cover for once in your life.
Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
I suggest you look up James 4.4
Matter of fact – ALL of PSALMS needs to be meditated upon by you… and you will find it starts:
Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the wicked, Nor standeth in the way of sinners, Nor sitteth in the seat of scoffers:
Comment by Time_to_Swap_the_Laundry on June 27, 2015 at 11:01 am
Boy, you all don’t get it, do you? “Read the Bible.” Uhm, good advice, my friend. Try it. Whom did Jesus sit down to eat with? Whom did Jesus call to be disciples? The perfect? The righteous? Those who could quote him the best? Haha, NO! He ate with the biggest sinners in the town. He ate with the people everyone else marginalized, looked down on. He came to heal the sick, not party with the righteous. The righteous didn’t need him. He was friend to all. He just expected them to shape up if they wanted to truly be his friend. How many times did he say, in one form or another, “You’re healed. Now, go and sin no more?” He had compassion, but he expected something of those around him. He expected them to live by the rules he lived by. He wasn’t worried about being corrupted by them. If your faith is strong enough, you won’t have to worry, either. You can befriend someone without taking on their lifestyle. Rev. Bouknight isn’t saying lay down with the dogs and wake up with fleas. He’s saying love your fellow man, befriend your fellow man, while keeping your feet on the path. And if they are your friend, then surely you will want them to know of Christ and his ways. Just treat them as a friend, not as a repulsive sinner that needs the sin beat out of him with a good Bible thumping. Because remember, we’re all sinners. Someone may decide you need the next Bible thumping.
Comment by MarcoPolo on June 30, 2015 at 9:24 pm
“…Many homosexuals lead a lonely existence…”
That could certainly describe almost anybody, but it seems harsh to suggest in this context, that it naturally applies to a Gay person.
At least the Gay and Lesbians we know, are anything but lonely!
I can see where a ‘closeted’ Gay or Lesbian might live inside a ‘bubble’ because they fear the wrath of some people in society that can’t evolve beyond the Neanderthal stage. Our heart goes out to them, and I know that is somewhat where this ministry is hoping to serve.
Sorry, I know this ministry means well, and they bring their genuine selves to the task of spreading the Gospel. But I wonder how this attempt will sound in another twenty years?